My Partner Doesn’t Want Sex, What Do I Do?

Low sexual desire is the most common problem found in marriages and long-term relationships. More than one third of women who go to their gynecologist have been reported to have shared that they would prefer to have sex infrequently and that actually, they do not enjoy sex much. Today, men are also claiming that their desire to have sex with their wives can and has dwindled. The result of not wanting sex leaves the partner that does want sexual intimacy feeling undesired and unloved, or the individual may start to question their commitment or love for their spouse, as a result of the lack of intimacy. Finding a knowledgeable therapist to deal with the issues associated with a lack of desire is difficult since there are few books that are helpful on the subject.

There are many contributing factors to love and desire. The most blocks to intimacy include marital conflict, fatigue, stress, intimacy disorder and avoidant attachment from unresolved, overwhelming childhood events or parental misattunement, a lack of knowledge about how to please one’s partner or pressures to perform, overuse of pornography, fears of intimacy, discomfort with one’s body, and self-hate and depression. Assessing the multiple contributing factors and addressing each of them require a great deal of skill, experience, and compassion.

The good news is that most of these blocks, these contributing factors to sexual intimacy, are reversible. We have come to believe that the hardest step to reversing a sexual problem is having the couple present for treatment at all, followed by the ability to maintain their commitment to solving their blocks to intimacy, work that can go deep and get difficult at times.

The success rate for those who are committed to getting to the bottom of the issue, alongside highly skilled therapy,  is typically very high.


Dr. Mark Schwartz has extensive background and experience working with issue of sexual desire in couples. Having spent years as the director of the Masters and Johnson Institute, working side-by-side with renown researchers Masters and Johnson, he has spent much of his career focused on the blocks that prevent intimacy in marriages and long-term relationships.

Contact Dr. Schwartz for a free consultation at 831 747 1727 or via email.

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Why Did We Marry? Why Did We Fall Apart? Helping Couples Regain Their Love and Intimacy

A Video Dialogue with Dr. Mark Schwartz and Lori Galperin MSW


How the Natural Course of A Relationship Oftentimes Leads to Dissolution; There Is Something, Many Things That Can Be Done About It.

Listen in on Mark and Lori as they discuss the common pitfalls of broken relationships and how couple’s therapy can make all the difference in the world.


Download a PDF Overview of Marriage Therapy Institute >>

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Why Invest in a Marriage Counseling Retreat?

During the past 25 years, Dr. Mark Schwartz and Lori Galperin MSW, formerly of the Masters & Johnson’s Institute, have provided relationship therapy for hundreds of couples. Their extensive experience, across a broad array of issues, has taught them what is necessary for couples therapy and a marriage-saving, marriage retreat to be its most effective.

Marriage is a valuable asset. There are key reasons people marry and hope to stay married. From within a marriage, lives and careers are built, property and security is accumulated, children are created, and the deep desire for pair-bonding — the instinct we have for support, companionship, and love — is one of the greatest, life-enhancing benefits of all.

When a marriage begins to fall apart, so do all the stabilizing, nurturing forces in one’s life begin to fall apart. Before spending years unhappy and miserable for before taking that “no return” step through a divorce, consider if it’s worth saving. If even a tiny percentage of you says, “yes,” enroll the two of you in an Intensive Marriage Retreat immediately.

What Does It Take For A Marriage Counseling Retreat to Succeed?

First, both partners must learn new ways of interacting. They must master skills for solving problems, listening, dealing with anger, frustration and passivity, and they must learn how to participate in quality interactions.

Second, they must practice these new ways of interacting until deep and authentic change takes place.

Third, they must be guided to examine the places where they are stuck or blocked that interfere with this change.

Rarely does once-a-week therapy allow for these three criteria to be met, regardless of how long over time the therapy continues. Momentum matters in therapy. The “right frequency” of sessions is critical to long-lasting success. (more…)

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Can a Marriage Counseling Retreat Save a Marriage?

Is it better that a couple divorce rather than remain together in distress?

Can a retreat re-create love when a couple no longer feels the passion? When marriage therapy fails, is that a sign that the couple is better off apart?  Is it better that a couple divorce rather than remain together in distress?

  • How often should you tell your partner you love them?
  • How often should you do extra things to show you care?
  • Is sex critical for a successful relationship?
  • Is chronic anger damaging for a relationship?
  • Can men who are controlling, critical, and unemotional really change their stripes?
  • Is it easier to just be alone for a woman than to commit to a partner who will tell them what to do?

These and many similar questions bewilder couples, and yet there are clear answers to each of these questions, says Dr. Mark Schwartz and Lori Galperin, MSW, relational co-therapists for the past 30 years. Schwartz and Galperin were trained by the infamous William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson of the Masters & Johnson Institute and are co-directors of the Marriage Therapy Institute in Monterey, California. The Monterey Bay Area being one of the most beautiful settings available nationwide for a focused marriage slash relationships tune-up or an intensive “engine overall.”

Therapists recommend that no couple should stay together and make each other miserable. Instead, unhappiness is a critical alert to each individual in the coupledom. It tells the unhappy partner there’s a need to look at his/her own contribution to the problem. From there, the couple needs to establish new rules and contracts for change. (more…)

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What Makes a Good Marriage Retreat?

What To Look For When Considering a Marriage Retreat?

During the past 25 years, Lori and I have provided relationship therapy for hundreds of couples. Our extensive experience, across a broad array of issues, has taught us what is necessary for therapy to be its most effective.

What Does It Take?

First, both partners must learn new ways of interacting. They must master skills for solving problems, listening, dealing with anger, frustration and passivity, and creating quality interactions. Second, they must practice these new ways of interacting until deep and authentic change takes place. Third, they must be guided to examine the places where they are stuck or blocked that interfere with this change.

Rarely does once-a-week therapy allow for these three criteria to be met, regardless of how long the therapy goes on. Momentum matters in therapy. The right frequency of sessions is critical to long-lasting success.

The Proven Solution

Our solution, and one that has worked well for us over the past 25 years, is this:  The retreat model calls for initial intensive therapy away from home, followed by at-home sessions as needed. We have the couple stays for seven days at accommodations near our Institute. We meet with them three hours each day and then have them use the rest of the day to practice the skills and techniques we discussed. This concentrated focus on healing the relationship is very effective when done away from work, kids and other stressors. (more…)

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