My Partner Doesn’t Want Sex, What Do I Do?

My Partner Doesn’t Want Sex, What Do I Do?

Low sexual desire is the most common problem found in marriages and long-term relationships. More than one third of women who go to their gynecologist have been reported to have shared that they would prefer to have sex infrequently and that actually, they do not enjoy sex much. Today, men are also claiming that their desire to have sex with their wives can and has dwindled. The result of not wanting sex leaves the partner that does want sexual intimacy feeling undesired and unloved, or the individual may start to question their commitment or love for their spouse, as a result of the lack of intimacy. Finding a knowledgeable therapist to deal with the issues associated with a lack of desire is difficult since there are few books that are helpful on the subject.

There are many contributing factors to love and desire. The most blocks to intimacy include marital conflict, fatigue, stress, intimacy disorder and avoidant attachment from unresolved, overwhelming childhood events or parental misattunement, a lack of knowledge about how to please one’s partner or pressures to perform, overuse of pornography, fears of intimacy, discomfort with one’s body, and self-hate and depression. Assessing the multiple contributing factors and addressing each of them require a great deal of skill, experience, and compassion.

The good news is that most of these blocks, these contributing factors to sexual intimacy, are reversible. We have come to believe that the hardest step to reversing a sexual problem is having the couple present for treatment at all, followed by the ability to maintain their commitment to solving their blocks to intimacy, work that can go deep and get difficult at times.

The success rate for those who are committed to getting to the bottom of the issue, alongside highly skilled therapy,  is typically very high.


Dr. Mark Schwartz has extensive background and experience working with issue of sexual desire in couples. Having spent years as the director of the Masters and Johnson Institute, working side-by-side with renown researchers Masters and Johnson, he has spent much of his career focused on the blocks that prevent intimacy in marriages and long-term relationships.

Contact Dr. Schwartz for a free consultation at 831 747 1727 or via email.

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